Jacob: Hi everyone! I am Jacob! I am 18 years old and I LOVE anime! One could say that anime is my life! I like anime because its SO SUGOI (thats japanese for cool!). The Japanese are great artists and totally can connect with me unlike baka (thats japanese for dumb!) American movies. My favorite animes are Neon Genesis Evangelion, Akira, and DragonBall Z. They TOTALLY rule.
Jacob: I am what you would call an otaku. For those of you who are not in with Japanese culture, an otaku is a lover of anime*! I am proud to be an otaku and it is my mission in life to convert everyone! You could say I am an Otaking! SUGOI!
Jacob: For some strange reason, kids at my high school think anime is “gay”. What stupidheads haha, its just because they are too dumb to understand the genius behind anime. One time I showed this REALLY COOL scene from Evangelion in my class when we had to do a presentation. They totally didn’t get it, it made me look REALLY SMART AND COOL.
Jacob: I know this may be hard to believe, but I have never had a girlfriend. As you can see I am a really attractive guy, so it would be no problem. I just think alot of girls are intimidated by my understanding in a superior culture. I have told some girls about it but they just told me to “fuck off”. I think its just because I scared them. Besides, American girls really don’t understand me, I am saving myself for a Japanese girl, they can appreciate my love of their culture!
Jacob: Anyways, its almost time for school, I am not a big fan of school. I feel I am above most of the students. Most of them are silly bakas! I can’t wait for college to come. I am going to major in computer science! Computers are almost as cool as anime! When I am in college I will be around LOTS of people who understand my love of all things Japanese. Anyways, we’re late, lets go!
Teacher: Jacob, you are late again.
Jacob: Sorry sir! I was talking about anime! Speaking of anime, have you seen Mahoromatic? Its a new anime by GAINAX and Anno. Anno is a literal GOD to me, his work is so outstanding, especially in End Of Evangelion! Oh my god during that on..
Teacher: Shut up, Jacob, no one cares about your cartoons.
Jacob: THEY ARE NOT CARTOONS! DAMN YOU ARE THEY ARE NOT CARTOONS! YOU BAKA! THEY ARE A MEDIUM LIKE ANY OTHER TYPE OF FILM, THEY CONTAIN REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS, AS WELL AS THE FEELINGS BEHIND THE CREATORS THAT MAKE THEM, YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND, NONE OF YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND, YOU ARE ALL BAKAS AND DON’T SEE THE PURE BEAUTY AND LOVE BEHIND JAPANESE CULTURE.
Teacher: That’s it, get out of my class.
Jacob: Whatever, lets go. I don’t need his stupid class anyways, when I get out of school I will major in computer science and make money, then I will travel to Japan, they will understand my love over there. Anyways, lets go to the mall! I want to play DDR! For those of you who don’t know what DDR is, its a COOL HIP new DANCING GAME made by the Japanese, it has the most kawaii j-pop in it! It makes me feel like a little magical girl when I play it! Anyways! Lets go, I want to play FRECKLES, Waka Laka, and Breakdown!
Jacob: DDR sure is a great game, I lost like 100 pounds because of it. I cant really do hard songs for some reason. People tell me I should lose weight, but really, I am happy with how I look! I just think my sneakers are too heavy.
Jock: Hey look at the fag playing that retarded dancing game. I bet hes one of those anime fags who like things just because they are Japanese.
Jacob: Ha ha ha! Silly baka! DDR is the most technically advanced game on the planet! And you are right, it IS cool because it is Japanese! I can AAA most songs on here, infact you sho…
Jock: Shut the fuck up. Lets go.
Jacob: Oh well, hes just a baka! Oh my… look, could that be… a REAL JAPANESE GIRL? Oh my, she will surely understand me!!
AzN: Hi, do you mind if I play?
Jacob: HAI! IT WOULD BE SUGOI OF YOU TO PLAY! ONEGAI SHIMASU!
AzN: Im sorry, what are you saying?
Jacob: Oh! You are Asian, so I was speaking Japanese to you! You must know Japanese, right? Anyways, I am Jacob, I LOVE ANIME! Do you watch anime!? HAVE YOU SEEN EVANGELION? OH MY GOD ANNO IS MY GOD! THE ENDING PART WHE…
AzN: What the fuck are you talking about? I was born in America you stupid fool, I haven’t spoken Japanese for years, hell my parents don’t even speak it anymore. I cant stand stupid white asiaophiles like you who think we “understand” you. In our culture, we laugh and mock at your feeble attempts to get us in bed. Fuck off and die you creep.
Jacob: Wait… what are you saying? Are you saying that the Japanese wont understand me? This is ruining my whole world!
AzN: I despise people like you who like us just because we are Asian and Japanese. Please get AIDS and die.
Jacob: This is horrible… I… Cant… go on…
Ugly: HI I AM AN ATTENTION WHORE, DO YOU MIND IF I PLAY DDR WITH YOU? TODAY I AM COSPLAYING AS SEXY XXX SCHOOLGIRL DDR FREAK! IT WILL BE SUPER KAWAII POCKY AND CHERRY BLOSSOMS! ^______________^;
Jacob: Oh sure!
Ugly: SUGOI DESU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^________________________^;
Jacob: We played for hours! She was really good. I think she…. she… MIGHT UNDERSTAND THE GENIUS OF THE JAPANESE!
Jacob: Hey do you want to hang out after?
Jacob: Oh boy! SAY, do you like anime? I LOVE anime, do you want to WATCH anime?
Jacob: We went back and watched hour upon hour of my FAVORITE anime, Evangelion. I think I am in love…
Jacob: Say, sometimes I think I am more Asian than I am white, do you feel this way also?
Jacob: I think I koi (thats japanese for love) you!
Ugly: I LOVE YOU TOO, LETS HAVE SEX, IT WILL BE SUPER MAGICAL SUGARY SAKURA DROPS! ^__________^;
Jacob: It was the most amazing two minutes of my life, I didn’t have a condom, and I went off early, but that’s OK, this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life!
Ugly: OH DID I MENTION, I HAVE HERPES? SORRY ^______^;;;;;;.
Jacob: I don’t know what herpes are, but I am sure its good!
Ugly: LETS DO IT AGAIN! YIFF ^___^;
Jacob: Wait, did you just yiff? Are you a fucking furry? OH FUCKING CHRIST.